Wednesday, May 28, 2008


SO, bike month NYC comin to a close, but BIKE FILM FEST just getting started...

On an extremely positive note, MIKE GREEN of BIKE BLOG got his bike back!

Yes, after enduring the friendly, cowardly / not so friendly comments after MIKE told the public how he was conned out of his bike in the East Village,
Mike's public humiliation, not only helped PREVENT FUTURE SCAMS, but the BIKE COMMUNITY rallied together and spotted, rescued, and returned MIKE's Bike, all while he was out of the country,,,

SO its a long story, read more about it at: BIKE BLOG

in the meantime, MIKE n XRIS attended the BIKE FILM FEST kick off party, where they helped underaged people sneak in, drank free PBR's, and mike got a chance to meet / thank one of his vigilante bike rescuers...
feelin' the love from one of the "Vigilante Bike Rescuers",
The Bike Angel demonstrated to Mike how he used a device called a "cell" "phone" to gather the posse that eventually re-obtained the bike,

he then told Mike that he shouldn't let complete strangers, especially those wearing Biggie Smalls shirts, 'borrow' his $1000 dollar track bike... Mike appeared to now understand
They then all laughed at the misguided CAR SERVICE cars (waiting for the 'clubbers' to come out needing rides)
, and got psyched for friday's critical mass, which is rumored to have a certain REVEREND whose name rhymes with "PAL" speaking and riding, and everyone planned to see a film*** shot by lil ole XRIS himself
( ***"GET FASTER" part of the SAT night BIKE FILM FEST program 7,9,11pm etc)

more info at BICYCLE FILM FESTIVAL . com

and lastly, there was an accidental meeting of the MINDS!, or at least mindless bloggers..
yes, the holy trinity of BIKE BLOG, TEAMSPIDER, and SUCKAPANTS blogs, unexpectedly converged and had revelatory conversation...
L to R:
Bike Blog
Team Spider Blog
Sucka Pants

transcription / excerpts

BB: Wow, itz good ta have my bike back
TS: Yeah, yer like a hero or something
SP: What font are you gonna blog it in?
BB: i was thinking Helvitica
TS: wow, totally cool.
SP: yeah, that'd be rad
TS: and you could do a hyperlink
BB: whoahhh
SP: That's be even better than touching a girl
BB: how would you know
SP: oh i know
TS: oh yeah, then what do girls taste like?
SP: Batteries
TS: werd
BB: Batteries? Why would you want to taste batteries?
SP: 'cause then they do things for you
BB: like blog?
TS: no, even better.
BB: you guys are teasing me, whats better than blogging?
SP: your kidding right? isn't your wife preggo?
BB: well, she belongs to a public pool.
TS: werd.
SP: this is all making me want to go home and .. uh, blog.
BB: yeah, me too
TS: me too,
SP: cool.
BB: cool.
TS: cool.



Sunday, May 18, 2008


How much for that doggie on the bicycle?
Nothing! he's free...
people take to the streets on their bikes, with homeless doggies on board... adoptions and breeding take place!

VISIT: Animal Alliance NYC
for info on where these doggies hang out, and how to find a new best friend.


Saturday, May 17, 2008

Short Schrift: My Secret Shame

awww.. sort of a waste of time, but sent by several people this "rant" against bicyclists...
Short Schrift: My Secret Shame
what did catch my eye was in the comments ( usually even more of waste of time unless you really want to listen in on the inner voices of cowards who can type *) *though not spell

which off course had to bring up NYC Critical Mass, as holding up traffic for 30mins etc... here is comment / our reply

teamspider said...

quoting "POINTS"
Critical Mass, a bike group in NYC, has as their slogan "We don't block traffic, we are traffic". But then they launch columns of bikes that shut down intersections because the cyclists all run the red light for 30 minutes at a stretch."

TEAM SPIDER replies:
ha, "30 minutes a stretch", critical mass in NYC has been averaging 50 - 100 people/riders, who ride in a pack,( in columns ?)
even if this hooting / hollering group run a red light, (((which in the anarchy-like zoo of nyc's traffic / pedestrian / delivery truck situation, is usually akin to, and as offensive as jay walking))), you would be at most sitting /waiting in your vehicle, probably alone, sad, getting 8 miles to the gallon, anxious to get home to your virtual worlds of naked teens and self righteous typing american cowards, for 3 or 4 minutes.

Dont worry, the girls of porn and bloggers (myself included ;-) will be waiting for you, insuring we all share our lonely sad kept-poodle existences.

----DIE Critical Mass, DIE humans


Monday, May 12, 2008


XRIS (team spider)and Mike (bike blog) hit the annual 5 Boro Bike Tour on a TANDEM BIKE. Ch-ch-ch-check out their video yo!... featuring the BEASTIE BOYS (MEN) .

VERDICT: Lots of fun, a great way to see the city, and great way to turn ( even lame ) people on to cycling. Although it costs about 50 bucks, you have to wear a helmet, and you have to register in advance... 3 things team spiderz aren't very good at... it's worth it just to experience the city having NO INTERACTION WITH CARS !, being able to cruise ON THE HIGHWAYS! ( FDR, BQE ) and ride 20 abreast over the bridges ( 59th st. Br., Verranzano etc)... so depending on your lifestyle, this can be a great bargain for a great day out of cycling, ((((or a call to break out the sewing machines and make a realistic looking bib if ya got more time and energy than treasure, either way... fun for all )))
___WEAR A HELMET: ( weird secret service types in suits will head you off at the bridges/highways if you have a naked noggin.)
___REGISTER IN ADVANCE: they actually cut off applications at a certain point ( 50,000 riders! dang!) to register
___BRING YOUR FRIENDS: Tell Em: 'No excuses, get on yer bike you lazy worthless piece 'o crap or i am never callin' you again....' werd.

OF course, Xris was hassled by the po-lice twice, once for filming while on the Roosevelt Island tram/cable car. Which resulted in cops, "safety patrols", and even a cop ON A SEGWAY coming after him back on the ground on Roosevelt island, a brief chase on foot, hiding between parked cars, and a footbridge escape later, and XRIS emerged unscathed. THEN> when Xris and Mike were about to enter the Verranzano Bridge they were 'pulled over' ( its hard to pull some of our more famous 'evasive maneuvers' when on a 15ft long bike), and asked quite sternly "Have you ever heard of the Patriot Act!?"

Normally Xris might reply with some smart Alec Trebek remark like "Have you ever heard of the constitution?" or "My friend AL said its OK to film here" "Al who?" "AL__Keida".. but instead we listened to their nonsense about terrrorists will use the video to find bommb placing points on the bridge...

Even if there wasn't ALREADY unlimited photos, videos, and probably blueprints of the Verranzano on the interwebs, i'd say the MOST unlikely / biggest pain in the ass / MOST DIFFICULT way imaginable to obtain Images of the bridge would be to send in a pasty white Jew and a Mick on a tandem bike, in orange vests, during the 5 Boro Bike Tour.!.!.

***ATTENTION: when you and your entire cottage industry of jobs and pensions spending billions ignoring memo's like "Binn LadN plans to use Planes to attack US" start using YOUR OWN BRAINS dealing with the hornets coming out of the nests YOU poke with pointy sticks, then maybe we'll respect your efforts and condescending remarks, till then, stay in the car, sit on your fat ass, and stop threatening to make up charges that "will require us to come to court... several times." So, STAY OUTTA OUR WAY, we're going to shoot our f%cking videoz, and we are MORE so-called "pro-american values" than you even on our Worst Day,

on a lighter note, heres a video about 3 LADIES biking to modern day FARMS, meeting cool punk-ass farmers, including our buddy Sascha from CHOKING VICTIM ( now a dirty farmer ! ;-)

still in the mood for More TANDEM BIKE VIDEO !?!? here's the video XRIS and MIKE made of IDIOTAROD, shootin from the 'ole tandem... (idiotarod is similar to the Alaskan Iditarod, but it takes place in Brooklyn, with Idiots, towing stolen shopping carts... enjoy:


Sunday, May 11, 2008


Team SPider rocks out at ABC NO RIO.
(home for elderly sex workers in mexico*)

*... sometimes we wake up and are not sure what we committed to**

**Scottish Wedding, perfect example


Thursday, May 08, 2008


So, the National Action Network (NAN)'s warning action to "SLOW DOWN" the city ( hinting that they have plans to SHUT DOWN the city ) took place yesterday.

The N.A.N., led by the Reverend Al Sharpton, is seeking justice for 50 shots victim Sean Bell, and demonstrating they aren't going to take the NOT GUILTY verdict laying down, ((unless you count laying down on bridges and tunnels to "Clog The Arteries of the City".))*

*exactly what the city claims Critical Mass attempts to do.

-it should be noted that the police were very professional and cordial to the protesters. Allowing them to be seen, heard, and avoid arrest if they so desired...
( why can't the people we PAY $$$ to be professional, courteous, and respectful at all times?)**

** don't think i'm not looking at you Medical Profession...


Saturday, May 03, 2008


so, in honor of bike month, TEAM SPIDER, working with TIME's UP, kicked off May with a "Bike Punk Show", hopefully the first in a series of similar events to be put on by Sliding Scale Productions.

It was a great time, featuring Eric Peterson, Team Spider, Wombat in Combat* ( $am Spider's side project ) , and the Pigs, (feat. Assker Spider on Guitar.)